The Beads Diet

me, myself and my diet

Posts Tagged loss

Day THIRTY-SEVEN

Sep 15

Posted by marlyse in Journal, Positive, Trouble | 1 Comment

Today I started up lap swimming again. Had not even realized how much I had missed it in the past few years. It’s a bit of a drive, but I’ll combine it with a trip to the Whole Food grocery store on the way home.

This day is not easy. Not only that it’s 4 weeks to the day that Tricky past away. But food wise. My second last milk day on the program. I’m not cheating, but boy, am I ready to. On the other hand it’s a feast as I know it is only one day more after this and then I am truly on the way back. I have already begun digging my head into what I could cook in the veggy departement, I want something different than the past few weeks to celebrate my first fish… and not having rice or such with it does seem kind of… lacking. So I’m looking around what really will make a perfect feast. Have a whole day left to find it!

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Day TWENTY-SIX

Sep 4

Posted by marlyse in Journal | 2 Comments

I am ready to be done. Guess what. I am not going to give in until I am fully satisfied. Period.

It’s a drizzly day outside. Having an introversion headache since yesterday. Tried changing it, it’s better but still there. Today I’m trying to get a veterinarian appointment to have a checkup on Xena. Knowing that then I’ll have to talk about Tricky’s death makes me feel all the grief and loss again. Not looking forward to it.

My weight is continuing on the promised curve. And the body fat has settled on the lower range. So far for 25 days I have not once cheated. On the email list they wish each other “a perfect day”, meaning “no BLT” (no bite, like or taste of anything outside the strict protocol). So far this was not a problem for me. Why pay and go through all the hassle of this program and then cheat and severe the chemical constellation which is the reason of such great fat and not muscle loss?

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Day FOURTEEN

Aug 23

Posted by marlyse in Journal | No Comments

2 weeks. 13 pounds. And yes, one does see the difference. Of course one sees a difference. I think that this week I lost mostly around the waste. We will see. Tomorrow will be again measuring day for me. I still can’t make myself write much more, even though I began gathering some interesting recipes from the mailing list. The grief over the loss of Tricky comes and goes. Yesterday was quite a good day but today it’s sitting again close. Will do some house and yard work to hopefully keep my mind busy and from dwelling.

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Day TWELVE

Aug 21

Posted by marlyse in Journal | No Comments

Weight fluctuated and almost a pound back up. There was no BLT – no bite, lick or taste – but there was a lot of water that I drank. I actually don’t care. I think the sadness of me is weighing down the scale. I’m just continuing, it will drop again. Hoping that my pounding headaches which I’ve had since Tricky’s death and all the grief will fade away, don’t want to take anymore Advil.

Yesterday the ordered WALDEN FARM products arrived: Chocolate Dip, Marshmallow Dip, Strawberry Spread and Apricot Spread. Opened and tasted all except the Strawberry Spread. Geez is that stuff icky sweet. Sucralose, I get it, but how about just the half of it? It overpowers all other tastes. Not sure if I’ll manage to each the Marshmallow Dip. The Chocolate Dip might be interesting to use with/in a coffee and I’m hoping that the Apricot Spread in the yogurt will lose the artificial overtone.

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Day ELEVEN

Aug 20

Posted by marlyse in Journal, Negative, Wins | No Comments

Back to 2 days veggies. I am past the halfway point. 12.4 pounds lost. Though once again I take todays numbers with a grain of salt. Slept badly with a lot of sweating, I think I lost a lot of water and I think this is in part the reason for todays low number. But below 140 pounds! Haven’t been that in years, many years. The beads to their magic. Currently I have to force myself to even eat the minimum, no appetite whatsoever. Fluctuating between being semi-okay to grief to numbness to some anger back to being semi-okay. The loss of Tricky is still overpowering all other feelings. Since it happened I have strong headaches from introversion and not even a walk eased it. Still using Advil to keep it at bay. Hoping to taper it off today.

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