Posts Tagged introversion

Day TWENTY-SIX

I am ready to be done. Guess what. I am not going to give in until I am fully satisfied. Period.

It’s a drizzly day outside. Having an introversion headache since yesterday. Tried changing it, it’s better but still there. Today I’m trying to get a veterinarian appointment to have a checkup on Xena. Knowing that then I’ll have to talk about Tricky’s death makes me feel all the grief and loss again. Not looking forward to it.

My weight is continuing on the promised curve. And the body fat has settled on the lower range. So far for 25 days I have not once cheated. On the email list they wish each other “a perfect day”, meaning “no BLT” (no bite, like or taste of anything outside the strict protocol). So far this was not a problem for me. Why pay and go through all the hassle of this program and then cheat and severe the chemical constellation which is the reason of such great fat and not muscle loss?

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Day FIFTEEN

Weight is going down – of course I would love it to just disappear which won’t happen. Another 3 weeks on the tough program, I can do it. Of course I had to hit the point when the strictness of the program gets boring. And that would be now. Though I did make a great vegetable lunch. It’s being so tired which makes me wish something more. Exhausted due to physical exertion – we moved over 4 tons of stones, I do hope this will show nicely tomorrow on the scale… and it did keep me from too much introversion.

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Day ELEVEN

Back to 2 days veggies. I am past the halfway point. 12.4 pounds lost. Though once again I take todays numbers with a grain of salt. Slept badly with a lot of sweating, I think I lost a lot of water and I think this is in part the reason for todays low number. But below 140 pounds! Haven’t been that in years, many years. The beads to their magic. Currently I have to force myself to even eat the minimum, no appetite whatsoever. Fluctuating between being semi-okay to grief to numbness to some anger back to being semi-okay. The loss of Tricky is still overpowering all other feelings. Since it happened I have strong headaches from introversion and not even a walk eased it. Still using Advil to keep it at bay. Hoping to taper it off today.

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Too late to be good

It’s after midnight and only now am I done with work. Too much introversion, too little outside. Not so good. I did not falter, but feel smothered. Additionally I will have to get up early because the last step of the project I won’t do now, too much could go wrong, better to get some sleep and do it in the morning. Client won’t be too happy, but better like this than a broken site. Maybe I’ll go hang out with my husband for some 10 minutes before heading under.

Day Number ONE, I have brought you to an end.

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