Today was the first time since I began this program that I did not stick completely to the rules. Like, really not. The past 2 days – milk days – had been really hard for me, especially the second milk day. I really felt hungry. And my weight dropped even further down – below the healthy weight zone – not what I was aiming at. So, that was then my justification. I had too much fruit. Instead of 2 servings, I had something like… 5. And my body is barking at me for that: too much fruit sugar. Ugh. So tomorrow I need to clean that out again. The fruit was just so good. That was the second justification. Of course I am right now mad at myself. But on the other hand, it’s okay. I did it once, doesn’t mean I have to repeat it. Lesson learned: right now the focus is shifting from “wow, I can eat again, eat, eat, eat” to “eat only when and as much as needed to not be hungry“.
Archive for category Negative
First time
Oct 1
Day SIXTEEN
Aug 25
After the amount of physical work I did yesterday I should have lost at least 2 pounds. Of course I didn’t. Of course I even gained a bit according to my scale. Of course it’s not to be mean to me, of course it’s not to test me. But of course it does test me and does feel mean. Only 3 more weeks, keep it going.
Day ELEVEN
Aug 20
Back to 2 days veggies. I am past the halfway point. 12.4 pounds lost. Though once again I take todays numbers with a grain of salt. Slept badly with a lot of sweating, I think I lost a lot of water and I think this is in part the reason for todays low number. But below 140 pounds! Haven’t been that in years, many years. The beads to their magic. Currently I have to force myself to even eat the minimum, no appetite whatsoever. Fluctuating between being semi-okay to grief to numbness to some anger back to being semi-okay. The loss of Tricky is still overpowering all other feelings. Since it happened I have strong headaches from introversion and not even a walk eased it. Still using Advil to keep it at bay. Hoping to taper it off today.
Day TEN
Aug 19
It’s my first day with the new set of beads. Regarding the program I don’t have much to say right now, except that all is going according to plan. I am feeling way too much pain over the loss of my beloved cat to say anything more for now.
Tricky
Aug 18
How things can change so dramatically within a few hours. What began as a day that felt like a WIN day turns out to be one of my bleakest ones. Tricky, our 11-year old cat had a seizure / heart attack just about an hour ago and died under our hands. We don’t have kids but our two cats have been with us since the begin of our marriage and he was especially attached to me. It happened in the kitchen, right while I was about to prepare my milk. My husband and I are devastated.
